This journey is taking my mind and soul places I could not have expected….and now it’s taking me back to the Beach! I’ve lived in San Diego for about 6 years, moved here from Anaheim for a job. I was itching for a change, been in Anaheim my entire life and San Diego seemed a great option. Close to family and friends but still a new start.
We moved to the Point Loma/Ocean Beach area and fell in love with that community. It was this small little gem in this massive city. We loved our years there, but as adults do, it was time to make the big leap and buy my 1st home. At the time I was in a long term relationship, Willy, nearly 10 years. We were looking for a home for our family, our future and we found that home in the lovely community of Eastlake in Chula Vista, but wow what a difference than the beach community we had been in. Mind you I wasn’t taking advantage of all that beach community had to offer, but B was, and she loved it. She could ride her bike…or even walk…to the beach after school and during her breaks. What great memories she was making with her friends. I remember hopping the bus in Anaheim to head to the Beach during my childhood days – Beach Blvd all the way to Huntington!
Our home in Eastlake is adorable, it was a perfect little place for the 3 of us and we could have dogs, something we all wanted. I was hoping that theÂ home would bring Willy & I closer and help us out of the rut we were in and be the key to a happy lifelong future, but it wasn’t. It only added more stress and burden and strain and eventually we broke up and he moved out. I wanted to keep my house, it’s super cute and obviously the grown up thing to do and the American Dream, but I could not do it on my own. So I moved out of my beautiful master bedroom and into the small 3rd bedroom, got rid of my Cali King and downsized to a twin and would make it work with roomates.
The 1st few months with roomates was fun for me – I had people in my home that I loved as my much as any of my own family – they were people who, although were helping themselves, I think did this more to help me, whether they will admit it or not. People who every day I looked forward to seeing and talking with and staying upÂ late to watch moviesÂ with and were who I wanted to be with as I figured out life as single person and homeownerÂ and who’s little faces I still miss every day. I wish it could have lasted forever but it was a temporary solution for all of us to get on our feet. And it wasn’t ideal for anyone….except me I guess! Once they left B & I found some roomates, they are ok. Another single mom and her daughter – they are quiet and clean and respectful and help with the puppies when we need them too but B was uncomfortable, IÂ hate living in that little room, I wanted a big bed again.
I’ve been considering my options for a few months, but was too proud to admit outloud that this isn’t what I wanted. Aren’t all adults and grown-ups supposed to want to be homeowners? Isn’t this the next step? Isn’t this just what you do? I was in a totally different place then when I bought the house. I no longer had a life partner and someone to share the expense and responsbility with. I didn’t have a handy-man around to help when the fridge was making noise, or the microwave door fell off, or the lightbulb in the vaulted ceiling needed to be changed. And I was drowning financially.
I had this adorable home – a great sunset view on the patio – great neighborhood and school district but I am soÂ strapped finanacially that I could not invest in making this house a home. B and I can’t afford anything new, furniture, TV or a gardner. So what was the point? I had a horrible commute to work, spending way to much time in traffic and at the gas pump. I was far away from my friends and B was landlocked during breaks with nothing to do. Time to swallow my pride and say outloud that I wasn’t happy and I was drowning and I wanted….no I needed out before it got so bad I couldn’t come back from this.
Over the past 8 weeks as I’ve been making changes in my life that are for me, and that I’ve been enjoying my life and being outdoors and doing things again it just became more and more clear that I wanted the Beach back, I needed the beach back. I want dog park and dog beach and Newport Avenue and Wonderland and so did B. It was time. This is what my soul needs, my heart needs and my checkbook too!
B and I have never lived on our own, yes NEVER. We have either had a roomate, Willy or been with family. And now for the 1st ever I would be in a place where I could put myself in a position where I could be comfortbale and breathe each month. I can sell my house and pay off my car and other misc debt and LIVE….not just survive. That’s what I need right now, to LIVE!!! This change has to happen. I am heading down a path I haven’t been down before and the burden and stress of the house are slowing me down. I don’t want the responsiliblty, I want easy, low maintance, simple so I can keep focusing on me and my health and well being.
It was the right decision when I made it, it was a decision for our family, but our family has changed, our needs have changed, and this is what is right for B and I. It wasn’t an easy decision, well actually maybe it was, it’s just hard to tell people and feel like I failed….but had I? I don’t think I have. I did it. It isn’t for me. Moving on, moving forward.
Can’t wait to spend this summer at the beach – bike rides on the boardwalk – maybe I will even invest in Roller Blades (do they even make those anymore) – but I feel good – I feel like this in one more step in the right direction for me.
So GoodBye Eastlake….Hello Point Loma, we’ve missed you!