Grab a cup of coffee…this is going to be a long one.

The food is getting easier and easier, not sure I will keep writing about that to be honest, maybe if something special happens or I discover a great recipe. But the bulk2shred plan is easy to follow and for now I am very satisfied. Sunday was my “Cheat Day” and I was telling B & Aimee that I didn’t think I would cheat, I was feeling full and satisfied with my meal plan and my mind and body weren’t “Craving” or “Missing” anything yet, so until I get to that place I am going to stick to plan!

I started my supplements and protein shakes Friday afternoon. I took some ALC/CLA and Myotherm before my workout. This was the 1st time I was going to have the time to push myself to complete the individual workout Coach George wanted me too. I had no time constraints to pick up B from anywhere so I had no excuses. I started on the treadmill 20 Mins at an Incline of 3 and speed of 2.7, no cool down. From there I went and did the 30 minute circuit workout and I was feeling a little sketchy about the final 20 on the treadmill. I headed back to the treadmill and set the time for 16 minutes (with a 4 min cool down I would be at 20 mins) – about 10 minutes into I felt great and I knew I could add minutes to get that full 20 – I was feeling so good I even increased the speed to 3 (still at an incline of 3 the whole time) – and I did it. I walked out of the gym feeling so totally accomplished and ALIVE!!! I made a quick post on Facebook “That girl I used to be – that girl who danced, played soccer softball ran track wake boarded hiked, wore bongo shorts and looked great in wranglers and so much more – she’s not dead yet and she’s fighting – I WILL see her again soon – feeling ALIVE”! As I typed that I just became completely overwhelmed and the tears came and didn’t stop. I sat in my car for a few minutes (cooling down from the workout, drinking my protein shake (more on that soon) and crying my face off) – I know I’ve said it before, but this really does feel different this time. This really does feel right and these little accomplishments on the treadmill and the scale and in the kitchen and the feedback from friends and family well it’s just incredible. I am high on life….and maybe it was a little PMS too messing with my hormones! LOL –

So the protein shake, man I was NOT looking forward to tasting that. I was so scared it was going to be chalky and thick and bland, I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s like a hand-scooped shake from Watson’s Pharmacy (OC peep’s you know what I’m talking about!!) but it wasn’t disgusting, it wasn’t bad and not on my 4th day of the shakes they are OK. They are very refreshing after a workout for sure!!!

B left Friday night to stay with friends who were taking her to cheer competition on Saturday. I miss her when she is gone but part of this journey will be me becoming comfortable with myself and being alone, and I wasn’t really alone, I had my puppy babies to entertain me! Oh Tito and Sloan you were just what I needed to make me laugh and smile after that emotional drive home.

Saturday morning I was up early, as Coach David and Monty were coming over to start some filming for the documentary and Coach David wanted to see what temptations and bad stuff I still had laying around. I mean 2 weeks ago it would have been alot worse, but since I’ve been on meal plan for about a week now I had already stocked up on alot of fresh ingredients and alot of what was left was for B for her quick snacks and lunches. Yes the Christmas Candy is officially in the trash. He told me it was OK to have a piece here and there but it’s dangerous because eventually you’ve eaten a handful, hmmmmm had he been spying on me. So instead of risking giving in to temptation during a craving and trusting I was ready to “just have one” I dumped it all, and it felt good. We had lots of chips so some of the flavors that B wouldn’t eat also went in the trash, but for the most part I was on track. Coach David also told me he would not throw my scale away but he needed me to trust in the process and now that the number on the scale can’t be driving force and what I gauge my success by, as I will be gaining muscle while losing the weight and I should limit weighing myself to once a week or every other week. I am going to leave the scale downstairs so I won’t be tempted to step on it every morning! I DO trust in this process and I DO trust Coach David and Coach George.

Monty stayed after Coach David left to tape some conversations with me, man I am such a crier, a fat face ugly crier and once the tears come they don’t stop. We talked about growing up, B, my family, my Mom, how I get here and why it’s so important I do this. I felt really comfortable around her, I mean I have to be honest throughout this process and really deal with my demons so I can move forward, forgive myself and live again.

Monty also came to Alliance Saturday for my workout with George. O…M…G….George absolutely pushed me to my limits Saturday. I did my 20 mins on treadmill to start and then we went to it. The rope drills, right into squats, 30 second rest and back into the rope drills and more squats….30 second rest then weights and into squats….resistance bands and that treadmill that I need to push again….I enjoyed the short walks in between, my active rest periods. It was tough, no it was brutal, but I did it. My arms were a little like jello and Sunday my thighs were screaming each time I had to get up, but this morning I feel great!

I got home and made the Salsa recipe from Professor Eagle, delicious! I had so much I was able to freeze a batch. Now I can add that to every meal for a little additional flavor and color. Thanks Professor!!

B was in Ontatio for Cheer Competition and I was getting updates from friends and twitter and it was great day for Cheerforce! 7 out of 8 1st places, 4 Grand Champs and we beat our biggest rival in multiple divisions. It was incredible and I was sad I missed it but so proud of my B! She said “Mom, lilke 10 people asked me if you really weren’t here, and how were you , and that they missed you” Thanks Cheer Family, I missed you too! See you this weekend in Palm Springs! I was nervous about Palm Springs, they are notorious at that event for not letting you bring in food. I will pack my cooler and do all my meal prep but how would I heat up my meals when sitting at a convention all day…?? Problem Solved! Thanks Leasha for offering me some space in your motor-home and the use of microwave during meal time! And YES bring your shoes so we can walk…lots of downtime after Chaos performs in the morning and I WON’T just be sitting on my butt!

I also talked to my Dad Saturday. Maybe it’s just me but things with my Dad have felt strained for the past 8 years. I don’t know that he ever forgave me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s amazing. Him and Nora were 100% supportive when I bought the house, they are there when I need them and he is the Best “Handy-Dad” in all the land. But it always feels like there is an elephant in the room and I don’t know what that is or why. Was it my weight? Was it my mistakes? I don’t know. But I noticed my Grandfather had “liked” my FB Status. I mean that means they were at Papa’s house talking about me and went online and saw that status together…..then my phone rang. Small talk Small talk, then he says “So what’s going on with you? I’m seeing all these FB posts and I like” – then the tears came. Oh my poor dad LOL. I guess that’s why I wasn’t ready to really share this with them and my Mom yet. I knew I would be too emotional to talk about it and I am embarrassed and ashamed and it sucks. But of course my Dad was awesome, full of love encouragement and support and it felt like one of the most real genuine conversations we have had in years. Thanks Daddy-O! Yes I know I can do it.

B got home super late Saturday, I didn’t even see her until it was time to wake her up for tumbling. While she was sleeping Aimee was texting me asking what my plan was the day and that she wanted to get some cardio in. She met me at the gym while B was tumbling. Coach George had told me that since I had pushed so hard on Saturday that Sunday all he wanted me to do was the treadmill, but for 40 minutes! I was super nervous about that but with A there to chat with and my Pandora I was pretty confident I could do it. A and I talked for sometime, she started a journey to a happy healthier A almost a year ago and she has had huge success. She had just competed in a 4 mile obstacle race Saturday and did great. She is also on a new meal plan and supplements like me so it’s nice to have someone to talk to about that. #mealprepordie LOL! I covered the stats on the treadmill with my towel so I wouldn’t be tempted to obsess over the time and just keep walking and talking and walking and the last 3 minutes, I needed a push, and I got it – Thanks Dr. Dre! Total time = 45 minutes with the cool down! High Fives all around!!!

My meal plan was a little off the rest of the day, since I worked out earlier than I have been and had a protein shake at 2:15 (which was also meal #3 time) I just wasn’t hungry. I made myself my food and I was struggling to get it down. I told B, I don’t know what to do….do I force myself to eat because I am supposed to or do I wait and eat my snack then my next meal? Mental Note = Talk to Coach David. I did have my Brown Rice Cake with PB and Apple about 530pm and didn’t get any hunger pains until about 9pm, I wasn’t happy eating a meal at 9pm but I did. Aimee said she experienced the same thing.

I did more meal prep last night and even 3 load of laundry and had time to snuggle with B and watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off!!! Love that movie, is one of my Mom’s faves and was a staple in our household growing up. I can’t wait to see my Mommy in 4 weeks when we head to Vegas to Cheer. I asked her to let me know if her gym has a weekend pass or if she can bring a guest so I don’t have to skip workouts. She’s at the gym all the time so I will have some company on the treadmill too! I’m sure it’s hard for her to sit back and watch this going on around her, but I don’t want to let her down.

Stay tuned…….Please feel free to share this blog with everyone and anyone….keep the comments, texts and messages coming. They mean more to me then any of you can know!