///Reflections of what used to be…

Reflections of what used to be…

A year ago this week everything was different. Willy moved out, people moved in, and I was in the process of starting my journey to gastric bypass. I was more scared about life without Willy (financially….nothing else….) I was afraid of what would become of me….would I sit and sulk on the couch day after day with pints of Ben & Jerry’s and see the house slip away from me before I even had a chance to realize what was going on around me? How was I going to manage on my own….I hadn’t been on my own EVER….and in a new town with a mortgage far away from the few friends I had in San Diego. Thankfully some friends stepped in and moved in with B and I and I look back on those months now and realize how much they saved me. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement for all of us and it wasn’t the ideal living situation for anyone and there were for sure akward uncomfortable moments but I think for the most part it was a positive. I was surrounded by love and laughter and friendship at the time I needed it most.

I was at the heaviest on record during those months at 308….I was seeing my Dr. about starting the Gastric Bypass process and had a little challenge with a friend to see who could lose the most before our first Varsity Football game of the season. Well I was super motivated….I was counting my calories and eating right and walking 3 miles almost every day and in about 5 weeks I had lost about 15 pounds….but then it all stopped. I don’t know what changed, I was actually seeing results and felt good but in a matter of days I just threw in the towel and slipped back into all of my old unhealthy ways. It sucked. Slowly the pounds started creeping back on….I never did re-gain all 15 but as you know when I started this journey I was at just over 295, so most of it came back on.

Gastric Bypass seemed like the ideal solution for me, I mean I had a friend who had never been thin and had the surgery a couple of years ago and she was so small now, like smaller then her 16 year old daughter. I wanted this but I had to stick to a medically supervised diet for 6 months, and yeah, that wasn’t happening. I never went back to the Dr. after my 1st appointment. Mom, I’m sorry. I know you are reading this and you really wanted that for me, but I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was and I lied to you for months about seeing the Dr. I had decided I wasn’t going to do it but was scared to tell you afraid to disapoint you. I know you’ve wanted this for me for a long time and you did so much research to prepare and help me. I’m sorry. I wasn’t brave enough to tell you sooner and I hope you can forgive me.

I was sharing with co-worked today that I had hit the 30 pound mark on the scale and he said something along the lines of “you have alot of momentum right now” and he’s right. I think seeing the success on the scale realizing that I was actually “doing this”, making the decision to sell the house (which I open Escrow today on – YAY) and start really enjoying life again and finding ME – well yeah I do have alot of momentum right now, and it’s all focused in the right direction. I am so excited about the idea of riding my bike to work over the summer months. And I’m so excited to just be more than B’s Mom and Super Duper Cheerforce Mom and make new friends as I start to be able to participate in things like Softball again.

I don’t know, I am my mothers daughter I guess. I see alot of common ground and shared phases happening in our lives right now. She was just a little older than me when she lost 80 pounds – Step Aerobics everynight in our living room to Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies – all the neighborhood kids would make fun of her – her nickname was Grande Culo (don’t even know if that is spelled right or whatever but essentially it was Big Butt) – She decided to ask for a divorce from my dad when I was senior (which was the shock of Anaheim) and she was starting over. My mom was making new friends and exepriencing life in a whole new way. It’s how I feel right now, if she could do it at 40 with 3 kids I can do it at 35 with 1.

Christy and I went to the batting cages last night, I was in my gym clothes (she was in fancy clothes – boots and rhinetsone pants – only my bestie) – but she said she could she the weight loss too, especially when I was in my work clothes. We had a great time smashing balls, but dang I have a cramp in my left hand and rubbed the skin off my right thumb (note to self, invest in batting gloves) – It really felt amazing to smack the crap out of some balls, even though it was pitching for someone who was about 5’2″ (Christy) felt like I did 100 squats up and down for low pitches! I did go to the gym after for my cardio (does that count as 2-A-Days?? LOL) –

30 days…….#deuceseastlake

2017-08-21T18:11:42+00:00 Categories: Laurel's Journey|Tags: , , , , , , , , |0 Comments

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