I’m not eating my eggs…I am trying…but I literally gag with every bite, so there I said it.

I did some shopping on Tuesday before my session with George, found some Low Sodium Calorie Free Dressings and Marinades at Sprouts recommended by a friend. I really need to start looking into some recipes, as I am really growing bored with eating the same thing day after day. I don’t know how people do it. I follow people on Instagram and it’s just the same thing over and over, no variety. I am doing it, and I know food is fuel for my body so I need to change the way I think of it, but I still want to enjoy what I am eating. If it doesn’t taste good and get’s boring how am I going to stick to this? I am so sick of green beans and still can’t eat the avocado or broccoli and even though I thought I liked asparagus, apparently I only barely like it, and since now there is no salt or olive oil or butter and it’s not wrapped in phyllo dough I really really barely like it. I got some mixed veggies at Sprouts with Carrots, Pea’s, Green Beans and Corn. I know it’s not ideal for my meal plan but I have to have a little variety.

Tuesday Night after my treadmill warm-up George says “Hi – I’m Pissed” I was like, oh crap what did I do? I’ve been working out, sticking to my meal plan, how could he possibly be pissed at me? Then he smiled and said “Let’s get to it!”. I told him I was a little worse for the wear, was I still feeling that workout from Saturday? I guess so, but he did not take it easy on me. We went right into the TRX Drills and weights, he increased the weights I was using and I could feel that with every shoulder press. He increased the amount of reps on the TRX Drills too and we started some new things. Tricep Dips, O…M…G….my arms were quivering and on fire. But George said these would eliminate the flab under my arms waiving good bye so yeah, lets just keep doing those! LOL! He also had me do a new version of squats, said it’s time I start getting lower. Using the bench we used for tricep dips he had me sit and then stand up. And not the kind of stand-up I do to get my fat ass off the couch, like stand straight up, using my arms for balance. It was hard….like seriously, really hard…but I did them! He didn’t make me get on that horrendous Push-Mill Tuesday, YAY!!!!!

We had a chance to talk after the work out. I owned up to the fact that I am still obsessing over the scale. I mean look, I do get it, and I am totally being a hypocrite preaching to others that the scale isn’t your truth and it isn’t the only sign of success blah blah blah….but fuck, I am a woman and I am conditioned to think that the only sign of results is that bullshit number! Watching it fluctuate up to 7 pounds from day to day is pissing me off! And Yes, I know, as I gain muscle it’s heavier than fat and I need to see the success in the way I feel and how my clothes fit and my energy and all that, I know, I know, but for now since I can’t “see” the results in my fat face, huge ass and enormous belly all I can SEE IS THE SCALE, and it’s pissing me off. I am working so hard, I am eating right, I want to see that number get smaller and smaller. I mean I’ve gotten to this place before. 3 weeks…4 weeks and then I stop. I have NEVER committed the way I am now and the fucking scale is pissing me off!!!! George told me I need to get Bristyn to break that scale or hide it, I told her that and she said ”I will, I hear you moving the scale in the morning at night and I know you are weighing yourself more than you are supposed too” – little brat! LOL – She’s just the best. Why can’t I just be happy with knowing I am doing the right thing? Why can’t I just trust in this process? I mean the way I am working out and eating, the fat has to come off right? I mean IT HAS TOO right?????

I did some meal prep and cleaned out the fridge Tuesday night, there was a slice of pizza leftover from B and her friend. I was teasing B that I was gonna eat it and tossed it on the counter near the trash can, she thought I threw it away. I had in my mind that after she went to bed I was gonna eat that pizza and she would never know. I meal prepped and cleaned and that pizza was just in the forefront of my mind. I could not wait to eat it. But then as I was prepping my meals and packing for my day I looked at my calendar, the calendar Jamie so wisely suggested I invest in as visual reminder of where I was heading and how far I had gone already. It was 21 days Tuesday….21 days….that’s 3 whole weeks that I’ve been committed, did I want to start all over for one 5 day old slice of pizza?? NO I didn’t so I trashed that pizza. It felt awesome!!! That was my real first true moment of absolute weakness, I was super determined to eat that pizza, but I didn’t.

Now it’s Weds and I was so excited about the evening! Aimee had invited me to a Burlesque Class at the gym she trains at. I could not WAIT! Vanessa was joining us too and it was going to be fun and funny. I was very pleased to see that my Capezio’s were still in my closet, I had bought them years ago when Willy and I were talking Ballroom and I could not part with them. I always knew…hoped, Dance would end up back in my life and I am so glad I had saved them. Mind you this was a one time class but I just could not wait to put those shoes on (maybe time to look into an Adult Jazz Class or something…..)! We got all dolled up with our tight and sequins and lace and feather boa’s and stain gloves and off we went. The gym Aimee trains at was really inviting, it was all women and everyone at various stages of their own journeys.

Now, this was far from sexy or graceful as we “pet the kitty” and there a few moves I physically could not do but we all laughed and danced and made fools of ourselves seducing the chairs and the boa’s but who cares! I had such a great time and it was just one more thing to do…I would have been sitting on my ass on the couch at home (I mean after I would have done my cardio of course) but these are the moments and adventures I look forward to. Like I said, I won’t be the girl that ”used to” anymore. Was it the best work-out, did I burn a ton of fat or calories, No, but sometimes we need things for our soul just as much, and this was one of those things. It was a fun ride home, girl talk and giggles. I got home and didn’t take my dance shoes off, I meal prepped and packed for the next day and just farted around the house in my dance shoes. I love them!

Vanessa, cutest thing in the world, she is on her own journey. She is the girl you would see at the gym or at the club and think ”skinny bitch, I hate her” LOL, but she is just an amazing young woman. She has such a wonderful heart and accepts everyone for who they are, she is someone I am proud to call friend. I hope she continues on her journey to get her body what she wants it to be, for some it’s just as hard to put on weight and muscle and it is for us to lose weight. Everyone has their own story.

So here were are, leave for Vegas in one week. I am sad I will only have seen George once this week,as he has a commitment on Alliance Saturday so we only get in one workout together, but I will be back at the cardio tonight and until I see him again next Tuesday. I am going to let B hide the scale tonight, maybe I will let her break it….probably not…LOL.