Happiness is so many different things - and for the past few days it's been present in little things like rainbows and puppy kisses and non-stop laughter with Christy and in big things like offers on my house and the smiles across my face when I think of what the future holds but it was also present in a sweet sincere little comment from one of the most important people in the world to me, Christy's son Axel.
Axel is 5 and the kid says whatever is on his mind and that at times can be totally sweet and funny, super offensive, totally random and off the wall but always honest. Axel is the 1st person to tell me I have a big butt and my belly is fat and I would just say "I know buddy...I know" and smile at him. I love this kids personality and he sure knows the proper vernacular for curse words. A few weeks back I told Christy, "I can't wait for the day Axel tells me my butt is smaller!" Our Saturday was CRAZY! I had a workout with George at 9am, B had tumbling in El Cajon at 10am and from there we were heading to Escondido to grab Papa and drive to Lake Perris to see my Dad and Nora where they were camping. I knew I would need a shower after George but didn't want to drive all the way back so home so Christy said I could come over and get ready at her house. Of course my 1st point of business ever when at her house is to see my best buddy Axel! He was laying in bed watching Sponge Bob and I walked in all sweaty and in my gym clothes and without skipping a beat he says "Hey Laurel, you look skinny. You aren't fat anymore" - OMG that was literally the best thing that has happened the past 11 weeks. This kidÂ is nothing if not honest! I jumped in bed next to him and loved on him and he quickly proceeded to tell me to go away he was watching Sponge Bob! Me & Christy just looked at each other and she was like "OMG that was so sweet" - This kid just made my life!!! Well Axel, thanks for the compliment buddy. I know I still have a long to go but you noticing and saying it outloud sure meant alot to me. I will never ever forget that moment and how it made me feel.
I still don't "see" it - B doesn't "see" it but ALOT of my clothes are not fitting - even PJ's that are elastic are falling off as I climb my stairs. I have 2 pairs of work pants that I literally can't wear anymore, they are just too big. I can feel my arms getting stronger and less fatty wiggle from the bottom, oh it's still there, just not as much of it. Saw a pic of myself with some girl friends Friday night and my face is just as fat as ever, but whatever. It's a process.....and little things like Axel make the process all the better!
My workout with George Saturday was great! We did a couple of new things, including lunges......ummmm can't even remember the last time I did those....maybe during my HS Softball Days......I had a couple of great days of Cardio, including Monday with B! And my workout with George last night was intense. He for sure decided it was time to step it up. The weight on the sled increased and the amount of times I had to push it increased. The weight of the kettle bell increased and oh man, did I feel that! But I did it! 100 Squats and some TRX Motions. I was pretty worked, it was hard. It was intense. But I did it. No quitting. Maybe some longer breathing pauses and more water breaks then he would have liked but I did it.
I did have a weakness Monday night. I hadn't slept good Sunday Night, was tossing and turning until at least 2am......alot on my mind with the house, roomates, finances, mortgage, blah blah blah.....and Monday I couldn't sleep either, my roomates had just up and moved out leaving me high and dry for April and owing my money for March, yes I was stressed and worried and scared. Finally at 3am I went downstairs to get some water and opened up the pantry and there starting at me in the face was B's pack of Entemans Chocolate Donuts. I have not been tempted by sweets since I started this. Which I am super surprised about, my body was built of butter...and frosting....and chocolate chips.....but I am more missing Pizza and Tacos then Cupcakes and Candy, but there it was staring me in the face. I had seen those donuts in the cabinet for a week or so and didn't even flinch at them. But 3am, sleepy, frustrated, stressed and in a funk I ate one.....OMG it was soooo delicious. I mean like sooooo good. Moment of weakness and comfort. I did it. I ate the donut.
So today - I am wearing another pair of pants I haven't worn in years and hit the 30 pound mark in my weight loss journey! 1/5th of my goal......it's still a long way to go but chipping away and feeling better and better every single day. Life is good......